44. Till Death Do Us Part

Synopsis - Harry and Sophie start having second thoughts about their marriage. Both think that if one put the other's interests first, he/she would lose out. But marriage requires "two lives to be joined in one unbroken circle", the collective before self. How is this going yo work?

The author got it right when he started off with 'Something doesn't sound right'. You bet. Why are are Harry and Sophie even contemplating marriage when they can't forsee giving up their self-interests for one another? I know marriage isn't supposed to be a sacrifice but there has to be some give before the take to start off with.

Apparently Harry was scarred by other broken marriages (not his own), and this has spearheaded this attitude. Having discussed it together, both had decided to put their ego aside in their relationship but secretly looking out for individual selves. Oh dear. About to go nowhere this tie up.

Baggini brings up the prisoner's dilemma. (Some would have no problem relating marriage to prison.) Some would have seen some measure of it played out on some U.S. cop drama. In these situations, prisoners are kept in separate cells unable to talk. Without a pre-arranged story, of course then each prisoner would look out for himself, selling the partner crook out in a jiffy. It's kinda funny to apply the same circumstances to a marriage but at some levels I guess it's plausible. Maybe couples who don't share their feelings about work and income may end up feeling like it's a competition between themselves. Competition is good but can get unhealthy pretty quickly when one can't split work and personal life.

This thought plays out as the 'sum of parts is greater than the whole' too. I think this has got to emphasized more when two people get together. Let the emotions and thoughts interconnect so that both individuals get more than from just keeping to oneself or putting oneself first. I agree with the author when he wrote that putting oneself first often closes off the possibilities of what we can achieve together. Anyone who's had a positive group brainstorm can testify to that.